13 May 2005 ; 3:54 AM
MY LIFE
i reali don understand wat m i living 4 now... i used to noe wat i live 4... i found tt im not the use to cheerful and happy edmund anymore... i smoke drink and do stupid things... tinkin bac i wonder y in the 1st place i started smokin... and i 4got y i started smokin... haha... i do not hab a successful relationship once... and it sux... now i get myself drunk at times... i don understand wat i m doin... or is it m i tryin to avoid certain matters... i cannot find anyone to confide in.... although i noe i hab BEST FRENES to tok to... but i don find deir consoles effective...
i get moody very often now a days... and i don lyk it... i tried to be happy but soon i reverted back to my moody mood... last time i can tell my cousin matters... but she is busy wif her os and such tt i don wanna bother her... i find myself feelin lonely at times... and i would tink is it the change in me tt my frenes distance demself frm me... maybe it is not dem but me distancin myself frm dem... i realize don understand my life now...
anyway poly is startin soon... which means sch is startin 4 me... i hope to revert bac to myself as soon as possible...becoze i don lyk the moody me now...
to the person concern... i don noe if u still read my post but if u do... i wanna say srry tt i broke the promise..
my frenes tell to ask someone tis ' you not my gf u not my mother care so much abt me 4 wat...' i did not ask i do not wan to noe anymore ans to the relationship anymore.... i m reali sick of tis...
;devoided of all emotions